Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 34

Two out of our three children settled, Sangeeta at Indore after her marriage and Kuntal at the Ashram in Coimbatore. Sangya began shaping her future. She was, since early childhood, had no interest in studies but having opted for Civil Services, she took a keen interest. We used to feel happy seeing Sangya, applying her sharp brain. She wasn't a good worker herself but had the knack for getting things done from others. Had she succeeded in entering civil services her nature and attitude would have found an excellent field? She could not succeed in the 2003 State Civil Service Exam conducted by Chhattisgarh PSC despite her hard work. She became a victim of defective ‘scaling system’ introduced. Then she thought of competing for Indian Civil Services and for this she started attending coaching classes at Allahabad and Delhi. During coaching at Delhi, she found a colleague whom she decided to make life companion. Hence she decided to remain a homemaker and dropped from competitions.

Sangya herself had found a companion who was a Chartered Accountant. It is good for marital harmony when children find a companion of their choice. This is something sound but decent. Marriages presuppose sound financial background. My financial crisis wasn't yet over hence we thought it appropriate to delay marriage, as long as possible. The boy had made his family agreed to the proposed marriage. However, haste might be misinterpreted hence I kept awaiting a positive clue from their side whereas the groom party was hesitant in taking an initiative. Thus the matter remained hung in the balance. The two lovers meanwhile would spend hours chatting on mobiles. I used to wonder if they would discuss everything prior to marriage what would be left for them to discuss after the marriage!

On Sangya's birthday, she would-be-father-in-law sent her a wristwatch which we regarded as a positive sign. Yet we could not summon courage. The reasons were, first, the financial constraints that I have already mentioned, and the other was that her's would-be-father-in-law was in Police service. We, the business class, keep shivering whenever we have to deal with Police or Income tax officers. They are so unpredictable, they can draw their sword on the slightest pretext or no pretext at all. You might be surprised to note that the business community even shrinks from inviting them to their family functions. He would visit their homes on the occasion of Diwali to present ‘envelope’ but is afraid of including their names in the guest list. We believe that we must maintain a respectable distance, as the proverb says, ‘Keep them at arm’s length.’

I was in a confusion that this phase of courtship and conversation would soon end and the matter would be reduced into a fiasco. But it didn't end in a flop-show.

Life was back on its normal track. Getting up early in the morning, reaching the Lodge and retiring home after the work. There was no miracle so far to give brilliance to life. However, constant, calculations with regard to Sangya's marriage continued. A whole year passed without bringing any improvement. Neither my financial circumstances improved nor was there any initiative about Sangya's marriage. On the strength of a telephonic conversation, Madhuri and I went to see their home. We were well received followed by pleasantries. Both the parties assessed each other. Would be son-in-law's grandfather was an interesting person who kept a lively conversation. They belonged to Haryana and he narrated several incidents of his childhood and youth. He even added, "You are from bride's family and we have made you sit beside us. In Haryana, they are made to sit near the shoes." I was momentarily stunned hut soon gave a hearty laugh. After all, It was bridegroom's home! Sangya's would-be-mother-in-law gave us a pair of ear-rings for Sangya when we returned. We returned in a happy mood convinced that the matter could no longer be delayed. Next day I sent a written proposal.

After a few days, we received a call intimating us that they would be on their way to visit the Mahamaya temple at Ratanpur via Bilaspur and wanted all of us to accompany them. So went together and visited the temple. While returning Sangya’s would-be-father-in-law and I came by my Maruti-800 while others by the official vehicle. During the journey, he suggested, "I want to say you something. Daughters remain very close to father's heart and obey him. Please make Sangya understand that she would continue to live in the joint family and never dream of establishing a separate home even if my son suggests so."
I kept quiet for a while unable to decide how to reply. His expectations could not be challenged, it was a valid expectation.  But how could I make a commitment to one’s future !"
"Bhai sahab, how much is 2 + 2?" I asked.
"Four", he looked in surprise towards me.
"Correct. But 2 + 2 can also be 22 and can also be zero. Life is not governed by arithmetic formulae. None knows what would happen tomorrow. Who would keep company or would not, is not predictable! Take my son Kuntal's case for example. He went to Tiruchirappalli to be an engineer but joined an Ashram and became a Sanyasi. Tomorrow can not be predicted.
"This is an exceptional case."
"Yes, you are right but I believe that it is futile to nurse expectations from anyone." By that we reached Bilaspur. They came to our lodge, took tea and then departed.

After some days, I received a phone from my Samadhiji : "Please come here, we have to finalize matters about the marriage." I reached the very next day by 9:30 train. Coming out of the station complex to see his official vehicle parked somewhere but I couldn't find one hence I hired an auto and reached the guesthouse where he was staying temporarily. After formalities, he enquired, "Did you find the vehicle I had sent to receive you?"
"I tried to locate it but I couldn't find."
"Oh, I had asked the driver to reach there."
"No matter, he might have forgotten.  I hired an auto." There was an elaborate discussion on the marriage program then he enquired, "How much is your budget?"
"Five Lakhs", I said in a distressed tone.
"O.K. Give us four lakhs in cash and retain one for your expenses," he said.
"O.K.", I said.

It was 1 p.m. and I wanted to take leave of him, "May I leave now?"
"Oh, it's time for lunch. In fact, we get meals from the 'mess' we have to inform the kitchen for extra meals that I forgot to convey. My son had reminded me in the morning but even I forgot to place an order."
"Doesn't matter", your lunch will be delivered, wouldn't it?  we shall share it." I said with a smile.

We had the lunch together and took leave of him. On my return journey on the train, I began recalling the plight father of a daughter has to undergo !

On returning home I narrated the whole episode to Madhuri who became furious,"You don't have a penny to buy poison, where will you get the sum?"
I tried to persuade her, "The current rate of C.A. is around fifteen lakhs, I managed only in five." I said in my defence.
"It is alright. Once you have promised you have to honor it. When?"
"When we manage the sum."
"But when?"
"Can't say."
"What a strange person you are ! Will your's 'can't say' serve the purpose?"
"Look, when I was a kid I used to sit in the 'Pendrawala' shop and two Fakirs, the beggars, used to beg alms. One of them would say, ‘De De Maula (Maula, please give me)" and the other would say 'Allah hi dega’(Only Almighty Lord will give). I never saw any one of them walking to a person to receive alms. The one who intended to give would personally to and give."
"What do you mean?"
"Allah hi dega," I said with a smile. She kept staring at my face.

Then, one day our would-be-Samadhi ji sent an SMS on my mobile. The 'coded' message said, "My pond is dry, fill it with water." I didn't reply. What reply I could give him? My tap was totally dry, without a drop of water but releasing a sound of air passing only, which wouldn't fill up his pond. One day, to press the matter, even the groom telephoned me asking, "What happened to the money you promised?"

While they were desperate there so were we extremely helpless. As the date of marriage began approaching quite near, our tension kept increasing. Ours was the plight of a farmer who looks blankly at the scorching sun while his crop suffers from famine, no trace of cloud in the horizon. Seeing me inactive and carefree Madhuri would often enquire, "What do you plan to do?"
"Nothing" my reply would make her even more depressed.  She said, "Get my jewelry from the Bank’s locker, sell them and finish the episode."
"That won't serve the purpose."
"Then?"
"We would see," I said with the calmness of Tathagat Gautam Buddha.

One day I went to an old class fellow of mine. We were batch met at the high school.  He enquired, "Hello, Dwarika, all of sudden, so early in the morning!" I explained my financial problem to him. He said, "Don't worry.  Your demand will be honored.  Wait a while, I will order to prepare tea for you. What kind of tea, sugared or sugar-free?"
"Sugared, strong tea."

We got our tea, for me strongly sugared, for him sugar-free. After tea, he provided me a heavy bag with currency.

Returning home I apprised Madhuri, "Funds were arranged."
"Wow !  who helped?"
"Allah."
"Allah?"
"Ya, the Fakirs had said, Allah hi dega, He has given."

The two families met on the appointed day and the marriage program ended on a pleasant note. We bid farewell to our daughter. We were happy that we could succeed to bring the episode to a happy climax !

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 11

The notion of living together in society arises out of the desire for mutual co- operation of all, competent as well as inefficient, rich and poor, healthy as well as unwell. The social structure collapsed when individuals began thinking of mine vis-a-vis outsiders, all relations become temporary our entire interactions became money-oriented.

My relations with Daddaji was always trembling. While Daddaji kept himself busy with the construction of lodge despite reaching seventy-five.

After becoming the national trainer for the JCI, I was obsessed by the desire to qualify as an international trainer. However, it necessitated not only a lot of money but also attending frequent visits to international conventions where such competitions were held.  There were three steps for becoming an international graduate: Prime, Excel and Omni implying three foreign tours.  My financial condition was precarious, anyhow I had been managing domestic affairs.  I could not afford foreign visits.  I used to see my colleagues qualifying while I had to ‘wait and watch’ helplessly.

After becoming a trainer I got several opportunities to visit several places in the country.  “Leadership in action”, “Speech Craft” and “Train the trainers workshop” enabled me to visit as a pilot faculty at Karnal (Haryana), Ranchi and Jhoomari Talaiya (Bihar), Lakhimpur Khiri (U.P.), Nagpur and Amravati (Maharashtra), Gwalior, Bhopal, Indore, Raipur, Raigarh, Durg in (then) Madhya Pradesh.

It reminds me of an incident in Gwalior.  I was to perform a training program on ‘Leadership’.  Indian Junior Chamber had deputed, in addition to me, one more trainer.  She was a professor of Hindi in a government college of Agra.  She was supposed to conduct first two sessions while I was to address the post-lunch sessions.  My train reached Gwalior at about eleven in the morning.  When I reached to the venue and met her during lunch I inquired, “What did you cover in the last session?”

“I discussed all the four topics in the last two sessions.” She replied in innocence.  

“What did you leave for me?”

“I am afraid, there is nothing left for discussion.  I was under the impression that you won’t come.”

“Didn’t the conveyor tell you that I would be arriving late?’

“No.”

 “O.K. no problem.  I shall discuss a few more points on those topics.”  She looked at me in amazement. 

The post lunch session lasted three hours.  ‘Leadership’ as a topic has a vast scope, one can go on elaborating.  My colleague listened to me attentively during my presentation.  

In the concluding session, we sat near each other.  She in a very cordial tone, asked me, “Are you a Professor somewhere?”

“No”

“Then, what is your vocation?”

“I am a Halwai.”

“Oh, no” she felt exclaimed.

“Oh, yes”, I smiled and replied.

                                                  **********

Man spends his life under a delusion.  He thinks that he controls his life while the fact remains that incidents occur without preplanning.  In such situations, one simply tries to defend oneself as one does in a Martial-arts.  Several times he finds himself bruised because despite one’s prowess circumstances make one dwarf. 

People believes that they can handle any situation that befalls.  However, crucial circumstances make the head spin.  I have seen the extremely bad phase of life.  In fact, this autobiography owes its appearance only to apprise through what kind of situations Dwarika Prasad Agrawal of ‘Pendrawala’ family, had to undergo.

In the course of time, my fame as a trainer got recognized and was being discussed at various places. I began receiving invitations to address JCI conventions, I felt encouraged.  The Indian Junior Chamber decided to organize a State Level Orientation Course for developing new trainers.  Aspirants from Madhya Pradesh zone were asked to apply.  A two-day State Trainer’s Training Seminar was organized at Indore where I was assigned the task of ‘Pilot Faculty’.  My training expenses had gained full steam and speed.

I became fond of chewing tobacco.  Beginning with Baba-160 with betel leaves.  I became addicted to raw local tobacco.  My mouth used to remain stuffed with betel throughout the day. I even used to impart training with a mouth stuffed with betel and tobacco.

There were twenty participants at the Indore Seminar which was conducted by three members as faculty.  I obtained feedback from them.  While going through their comments I was taken by the remark of a participant, ‘Extremely good as a trainer.  However, while chewing betel, the training was awkward.  I advise either you quit chewing betel or quit training.’

Anyone addicted to any kind of intoxicant finds it difficult to come out of its octopus-like tentacles.  I tried several methods of getting rid of my addiction but in vain.  I had developed ‘fibrosis in my palate, could not open my mouth wide. Dentist Dr.P.N.Gulati warned, “Dwarika, leave chewing Pan and tobacco otherwise you will die of cancer”.  Despite my frantic efforts, I could not come out of its vicious hold.  After my return from Indore, I kept pondering over the participants remarks.  A crucial decision could no longer be postponed.  I took some time and ultimately the trainer in me triumphed over the tobacco chewer.

I feel that nothing in life is certain.  One might try his utmost best, resort to all kinds of tactics, circumstances develop on their own.  I don’t mean to say that someone up in the sky is controlling and directing events.  What I intend to suggest that one must keep one’s bow ready and aim.  You are likely to hit the target sooner or later.  Success exacts its own price.  We must be ready to pay it. There is no need to get disheartened. 

Indian Junior Chamber organized at Vrindavan ‘National Train The Trainer’ Seminar in 1984.  I got my name registered for it and reached.  However, the train was late by five hours and I reached two hours late.  The Pilot Faculty Subrato Ghoshal refused my entry as I was late.  I argued that it was none of my fault, my train was delayed.  Yet he did not yield a little from his stand.  His plea was, in order to follow the program schedule, I should have arrived a day earlier. He was tied to rules while I had my own predicaments.  I became disappointed but requested, ‘I have reported here after twenty-hour long journey.  I have my return reservation after three days.  Try to understand my position.’  He was genuinely concerned yet he turned down my request.  ‘O.K. don’t allow me participation but least permit me to sit in the visitors’ gallery.’ I requested. The three trainers discussed and permitted my entry in the visitor’s gallery.  I was attending the seminar as an audience was like a rehearsal for an actor before going to the stage.  Subtle aspects of the training program, techniques of teaching, learning, presentation and the mistakes during a presentation, these proved to be of great importance in the long run.

Next year I got the opportunity to attend the same program at Bhopal.  But as usual, my evil stars reached Bhopal prior to my arrival.  There was a new problem.  Pilot faculty Sardar Rupinder Singh Suri scrutinized my application and debarred my entry.  His objection was that in order to be a National trainer, one must become first a State level trainer, which I was not.  He said, “No, Mr. Agrawal, you are not eligible to participate.”

“”Sir, you are putting me at unease.”

“Unease?  Didn’t you go through the rules?”

“Sir, I have been the Pilot faculty for State Train the Trainer seminar since last two years.  Am I supposed to be trainee participant now?”

“Oh! Is it so?”  He exclaimed in surprise.  His faculty colleague Dr. Mohammad Absar Faruque substantiated my argument. Pilot Faculty then said, “O.K., Mr.Agrawal you are in.”

Thus was launched an onslaught of skills in English oratory, objectives of program, hurdles experienced by adult participants, preparation for presentation followed by actual participation etc.  My mind began to boil.  I found myself lost in the crowd of Englishmen.  We were subjected to tough tasks as if it were an army program marathon lecture from 07:30 A.M. till 09:30 P.M. with three small brakes. It became an atrocity when next morning we were asked to prepare a presentation on the topic we drew from the lots.

Two days of input sessions, each lasting twelve hours a day thoroughly exhausted us.  Our minds had become stunned while the eyes turned sleepy.  To prepare the presentation during the night seemed a herculean task. We had a quick dinner and jumped headlong in completing the assignment. My topic was, ‘Be yourself.’  I finished my preparation by 11 P.M. and left my room for a stroll.  Every room was open, participants were busy in their preparations.  Each one had a topic of his own but in the absence of necessary background information and essential training material some were not able to design their presentations.  I had plenty of material as well as enough experience.  I helped them as much as I could.  Around 2 A.M. the three tyrants set out for a surprise check and reached the spot where I was assisting them.  Sardarji, the Pilot faculty, burst into anger, “This is not your room.  What are you doing here?”

“Sir..... I .....”

“What?”

“I was on a stroll.....”

“Stroll at this hour!  We have heard all......”

“Sorry, Sir.....”

“There is such a competition and you aren’t scared a bit.”

“I understand, Sir, but I thought it is necessary to assist them.”

“This implies that you have been helping others too.....”

“Yes, sorry Sir.”

“Now go instantly.”  He scolded me.  I left the room and went to bed.  

The presentation was scheduled the following day.  After each presentation, the three pilot trainers would evaluate it.  Finally, it was my turn, the evaluation was to be done by Rupinder Singh Suri, the Pilot Faculty.  I recalled what happened during the previous night as Sardarji looked tense.  He was looking as if a lion was looking at its prey, the poor deer.  For me, there seemed no escape.  With a throbbing heart, I started my presentation.  I was so vital that everyone appeared pigmy to me.  I was a trainer at that moment who had to impress everyone.  

I finished my presentation and returned back to my seat.  The pilot faculty rose and began my assessment, “Let me introduce you, the Amitabh Bachchan of Indian Junior Chamber, Mr.Dwarika Prasad Agrawal.”

I was speechless.  Six out of twenty-six were to be selected.  Guess, whether I was among the six or not? (Seriatm)