In order to adopt a new lifestyle, I developed new contacts. Some doctors, a few medical representatives and government officials became my close acquaintance. One does not know who grants you birth or ends it but in between these two extremes of life, one has to be in touch with an army of doctors to keep one safe and alive. There was a district hospital in the city where quite a good number of cordial doctors used to work. Other options, such as private nursing homes were conspicuous by their absence. Hence contacts with doctors relied on certain priorities which necessitated a few tact. While developing such contacts I became a member of group comprising doctors who were fond of playing cards. Beginning the game of ‘Rummy’ at ten paise per point, soon progressed into a rupee per point within a year. Oh, what a fascination Rummy has, demanding total concentration of a hermit, forgetting worries of food or family!
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Anyone can chatter. It is easy to indulge in gossip among friends. One can become a story-teller. However, the skill of public speaking requires a sound preparation. In 1972 I joined Junior Chamber International popularly known J.C.I. This organization not only gave me direction but also changed me drastically.
Renowned sociologist Abraham Maslow has propagated the famous need hierarchy theory for self-motivation. The pyramid comprises of food at clothing at base followed by shelter and security, social recognition, honor and self-actualization.
A thirsty person needs water first and food later on. Similarly, a hungry man’s top priority is food nothing else would arrest his attention. A person after having food and water would think of watching television. Human demands come in a systematic order. First, the basic needs, food, clothing and shelter. Satisfaction of these would lead to social security such as a permanent job, steady income from business, one’s own home. Thus one plan for forthcoming needs of tomorrow, the year to come or a tension free life and then ensuring the needs of generations to come. In order to seek recognition one acquires the membership of various organizations where he can substantiate one’s views and concepts. Since wealth enables in fulfilling such needs hence such groups constantly discuss strategies to earn wealth.
After filling one’s belly one looks for a shelter and becomes delighted! The second step needs a little more because the little that one accumulated must be replenished with a little more. Happy again! For the third one needs not just plenty of money but infinite riches because society recognizes only those who own wealth. The majority of us spend their lives in quest of these types of satisfaction.
After satisfaction of the first three one is in quest of honor. This is a penance that enables to acquire prestige and power. A person develops his self by enhancing his qualities, qualifications and capacities. This is how personality is developed. By coming out of one’s shell of self-entry into a wider orbit of society is made by responding to social concerns. Prestige and power are accumulated through such participation. Abraham Maslow advises, ‘one must do what one can do.’
I was born in a rich family. Hence my first three needs were duly taken care of. Yet I wanted to establish distinctly on my own and not the identity of a Halwai. I wanted to set foot upon the fourth step, recognition.
There are three kinds of persons who dwell on the earth, Active, semi- active and idle. Active ones cannot remain idle. They regard work as worship. They do with pleasure, whatever is assigned to them. They are always looking for work and are able to identify them. They gain popularity and become the center of public discussion, everyone tries to have cordial relations with them. The semi-active ones would work whenever there is an urgency to act. They are governed sometimes by their mood or external pressure or would assume the responsibility of a manager and get work completed by others. They would raise a lot of hue and cry, pretending that they were extremely busy. Lastly, there are idle or inactive people. They are incapable of doing anything. They can devise excuses to avoid any work e.g. I can’t do this / I don’t know how to do this / I am unwell / Get someone else to do in my stead. They run away from the places of work or keep standing at a distant place or covering themselves by a shawl pretending to sleep. Many housewives pretend to be in their menses on festive or on the arrival of several guests to shed extra workload. Such persons are adept in killing their time and energy in meaningless conversation. They mock at the diligence of active persons and quite often try to dissuade from work. This has a contagious effect. Convinced by their arguments, active groups get reduced to a team of lazy shirkers. Deterioration of work culture in government, semi-government organizations is a result of such groups, who do nothing nor will allow others to do anything.
It is not that inactive people remain so, permanently. They demonstrate their capability if the occasion demands. To work they need some catalysis. Once, a plane crashed on the Alps. A survivor noticed that a few people were shouting for help, to be rescued. Despite his own injuries, he helped several out of debris and saved their lives. The moment he saw the rescue team he withdrew in a corner silently. Emergency drove him into action but the mere presence of other active persons sent him back to his shell.
Similarly, semi actives or active ones become super actives. I remain overactive in JCI. In spite of my involvement in JCI, I resorted to time management and did everything with a sense of commitment. You might have noticed that quite often your activeness is a matter of jealousy to many persons. Such thing happened here too. One of the vice presidents and the secretary traduced the President and he became hostile towards me. I then decided to quit and sent my resignation which was promptly accepted by the executive body. I learned two lessons, ‘do well and forget it’ and ‘it is impossible to please everyone.’
My business picked in momentum. There used to be a rush of customers from morning till night. The younger brother Raj Kumar, whom we endearingly called Munna Bhaiya cooperated well. Though elder brother had shifted his business to Raipur, his family still lived in Bilaspur with us. He used to visit Bilaspur frequently. I continued to receive his guidance in business, co-operation and of course, scolding. In spite of all the precautions and cleverness, he could find my faults. I was used to scolding from early childhood but as I grew young, I found it quite irritating. One gets encouraged if the other person does not answer back. I could have replied him back yet my Sanskaar never permitted me to reply back. Sometimes things became unbearable.
My younger sister Rajkumari was married on 10th May 1973 to Govind, Indu Babu of Jabalpur. Immediately after this parleys began about my marriage too. My heart was dancing like a peacock whenever I heard someone saying, ‘New bride is to arrive soon.’ Who my life companion would be? The risk was inevitable, none can escape. Few dangers were obvious but the fate of the ‘horse’ to be married was to be decided by the ‘horse riders.’ One day, Daddaji had given his approval to the father of a bride to be. I simply watched helplessly.
Indu Babu, my brother in law was approached with a proposal from a girl’s father to take it further for my marriage. Indu Babu spoke to Daddaji on the phone about the proposal. He replied that he had already given his consent to a girl’s father in Chirimiri. Indu Babu asked, “Have you seen the girl?”
“No", said Daddaji.
“Then, how could it be settled?”
“It is not final.”
“I am sending you a Kundali, the horoscope. If it matches then we will proceed to see. Decide what you consider best.”
“How is the girl?”
“You will appreciate her. I have seen her”, said Indu Babu.
The horoscopes matched and Daddaji asked my elder brother Roop Narayan and my Bhabhi, Kusum, his wife, to go to Jabalpur and see the girl. The elder brother asked me to join them, “Don’t blame us what kind of girl did you approve.”
“You see and decide. I need not go.”
“Why?”
“I know, whoever she may be, she would be better than me.”
My younger sister Rajkumari also accompanied them. They had a meeting and conversation with her and having convinced, conveyed their approval to Daddaji. Out of curiosity, I asked the elder brother, “How is she?”
“Better than you”, He promptly replied.
We hadn’t seen each other. However, when she learnt that the would-be bridegroom was a Halwai, she stopped eating sweets and when she has apprised that bridegroom's name was a traditional one, Dwarika Prasad, she became even more distressed. However, at that time protests did not matter and hence never made.
Anyway, my marriage was fixed on 8th May 1975. Invitation Cards were printed proclaiming my name as Groom – Dwarika (M.A. B.Com. LL.B.). Thus my long cherished desire found fulfillment and I began preparations for my marriage, preparing the guest list, posting letters to relatives, writing addresses on envelopes, pasting stamps on them etc. A long list of Baratis, the marriage companions, was compiled, approximately 225 persons but when I wished to include the names of a few of my friends, Daddaji instantly declined, “You note, no loafer will be in our marriage party.”
Beautiful ornaments were bought for the bride and two decent suits along with necktie, shoes, and socks were bought for me. You might be wondering, is it worthwhile to mention all these? Yes, it is necessary to enumerate these trivial matters because I had been waiting for the day when I would head the marriage procession decently dressed. After all, it ought to be shared and not confined to oneself.
The whole house became crowded with guests. A lot of hustle bustle, laughter, lavish meals. The groom was bid farewell from home mounted on a mare. Women of the family completed customary rituals, auspicious songs were sung. They returned after visiting the Hanuman, a Hindu god, temple. Women, at that time, were not supposed to join the marriage parties. The marriage party left for Jabalpur in buses and cars to reach there the next day. After a day-long reception, I rode a mare for the wedding ceremony to be held at the bride’s home. Much of fanfare, elephants and camels with all pomp and show became a show of marriage procession.
The procession reached at the bride’s home around midnight. We were greeted with flower garlands of Mongra, the flower. I was escorted to a Sofa. A little later she arrived with a huge garland and reached the platform and stood before me. I looked towards her stealthily, lest someone would see my staring. Then the bride offered the garland to me with her eyes on the ground. She was just 5’ 1’’ while I was 5’ 11’’ tall. I bent my head to receive the garland helping her in her attempt. Then I garlanded her. One of my friends quipped, ‘Shame on you! Bowed your head, now you will be a slave all your life.’
Barring a few areas, normal practice all over the world is that after marriage bride settles at husband’s place. The tradition is an outcome of male-dominated societies in which a woman is mentally prepared to settle in a new surrounding, leaving her own home. She is made to enter an environment which is not only mysterious but also daunting and this she had to embrace all her life. I salute all the women of the world who regard such trial as a challenge, My Humble Salams, the salutations!
The evening witnessed the last lap of the marriage ceremony, farewell from bride’s home. The bride and her relatives crying became heart-rending. All the happiness of marriage seemed evaporating. I felt, I was forcibly uprooting a flourishing plant to transplant in my garden. I was shaken. Really, I could not control my tears.
The Barat returned to Bilaspur. The new bride was received at the door with customary rituals. Ladies in the family blessed her with gifts after lifting her veil as Munh-Dikhai, the bride seeing. I was doubly elated. First, the mere pleasure of getting married and second, my wife was quite beautiful. I was very keen to meet her but the new bride was surrounded by a cruel crowd of ladies all the time. The whole day passed yet I failed to see her face. Ammaji proclaimed, “The auspicious time for Devi puja, worshipping the Goddess, is day-after-tomorrow.” It implied that the Golden night had to wait until that time. Oh! What a fiasco!
Gradually the guests began to depart and the entire hustle-bustle of marriage began vanishing. On 12th May, the fourth day after my marriage, my room was decorated in a ‘filmy’ style.
I returned at about 10:30 P.M. after completing my shop hours. Daddaji was awake in his bed. During summers, he used to sleep outside getting his cot shifted from the room. There was a portable cooler near his cot. I paused for some time. He asked, “What is the matter?”
“Shall I go to my room?” Seeking his permission to enter the house. I asked sarcastically, having an expression of vexation, as his consent was behind every move, so why leave this opportunity? There was a mixed feeling anger as well as pain. He probably could not comprehend my inquiry but when he grasped its implication, his face flushed red. He was almost about to say something yet somehow controlled himself and turned his face in other direction. Considering his silence as his consent, I entered in the home.
Now, it is time to say something about the golden night. When you are privy to many facts of my life, why shouldn’t you know about the Golden night too! Whatever I described here, is within the limits of decency respecting her privacy. The first fact that I didn’t doze that night as I was doing at Mandap, the wedding ceremony place. I was extremely eager to converse with my life partner. For most of the time I kept speaking, she remained a listener. Gradually her high seriousness melted in a smile followed by laughter and then in an introduction. I had to make a permanent friendship with my new friend we advanced like a slow motion film. In a few days time, intimate signals began arriving and thus on the eighth day, say night, we became one! (Seriatim)
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