Families who have daughters pass through several sour experiences when they are beginning to step into youth from adolescence. Parents are in a fix. They cannot lock them at homes. It is imperative to educate them so as develop their personality. This situation is exaggerated when in-laws for every mistake have a stereotype response, ‘Kick her back to her parent’s home’ is a standard solution for all maladies. Quite often even the husband declares, ‘I don’t like you. I married you to simply keep my parents happy, to respect their sentiments. You either live with my parents or yours. I do not want to keep you as a life companion.’
It has become necessary for guardians to educate them so to prepare them mentally for such hardships. There are innumerable risks outside the home. Every time parents remain in a state of suspense and fear, no one knows what would befall the next moment.
Birth of a daughter is also conveyed very custom made, ‘Congratulations on arrival of Lakshmi, the Goddess of money, in the family.’ However, the experiences through which parents undergo are not only bitter but even fatal. Parents survive and tolerate this stinking mindset for living in the society.
We too had the privilege of raising two daughters in a hostile society, family and difficult economic circumstances. After raising them, they were married. We found some people extremely cordial while many others extremely hostile and heartless. However, this is not the appropriate time to tell you in detail.
********** The rented house where we were living in, was owned by a gentleman whose brother also resided in the adjacent house. The two brothers had turned into bitter foes because of the property dispute. Hence the neighbor was annoyed due to our tenancy. His younger son was short tempered and on several occasions thrashed Kuntal without any reason. Kuntal was a simple boy who would come home weeping and complained. Quite often I used to console him. It was undesirable to interfere in children’s affair. I found it better to keep numb as he was the owner’s nephew. Any dispute can lead us to vacate the house, always prompted us to keep low.
The two houses had a common entrance. I fixed my name plate least my friends should find any difficulty in locating the house. The brother of the owner threw my name plate away. I could not figure the reason for such an outrage. Later on, an acquaintance apprised me the reason behind such hostility. Someone had enquired him whether he lived in “Pendrawala’s house” as a tenant. He replied, “No, he is our tenant.”
“Why are you lying? “Pendrawala” can’t be your tenant. His name plate is on the entrance gate.”
Being annoyed he started devising plans to evacuate us and finally succeeded in his plan. One night he along with his elder brother, knocked the door at 11 p.m. to ask us to vacate the house. I was again in search for another rented house, which was soon found but Madhuri was adamant to shift to a rented house anymore. “We would shift in our own house,” she declared.
**********
It is difficult to comprehend the teenage period of children. Parents should understand that after certain age children are an adult and they should be treated as such. For parents, they are always their children, but in the meantime they forget that the child should be left alone to decide what is right or otherwise. If parents continue to interfere in the decision of their children they will interfere with the natural cycle of their children and it will hamper the natural growth of the child. If this is unchecked it will grow as a wall and there will be the difference in opinion among the two. Normally guardians resort to one-way communication whereas every communication needs the two-way channel. Whatever is being told should be listened, comprehended and given a feedback so that the speaker can assess what has the listener heard and grasped. Two generations can have cordiality and proper understanding only when there exists an uninterrupted link of communication.
Every age comes to its own conclusions and moulds accordingly to suit the time. Old fundas cease to work in every new situation. To take an example, all books preach ‘Always speak the truth’. Now imagine the plight of people who literally follow the dictum and try to speak truth whatever the situation. Once Kuntal asked, “Should we speak the truth in every circumstance?”
“No”, I replied.
“But we are always asked to do so”
“It needs modification, the word ‘Always’ should be deleted from the dictum.”
“Why?”
“This is the world in which people appreciate the truth but cannot tolerate it.”
“I didn’t follow you.”
“Your own experiences will teach you.”
Our children know much more than we do and are wiser too. As guardians, we always assess them on a lower side. My own experience counts that they are clever enough. On an occasion, when my daughter Sangeeta was a student of the class tenth. She asked me, “Our school has arranged a trip to Amarkantak, a nearby holy place. Shall I take your camera?” She asked me again when I overheard her request. I said, “If you have decided to go to Amarkantak on your own so it is for you to decide to take the camera or not”.
“No papa. I knew that you won’t object to my going to Amarkantak. For the camera, you might.”
You can very well guess the smartness in the conversation between father and daughter. Quite often what is said has deeper and inherent implications? One discovers them a little later. It is therefore, necessary to listen attentively and openly. This presupposes patience. Many fail to listen in silence as their eagerness to speak prompt them to speak first, listening becomes secondary. (Seriatim)
It has become necessary for guardians to educate them so to prepare them mentally for such hardships. There are innumerable risks outside the home. Every time parents remain in a state of suspense and fear, no one knows what would befall the next moment.
Birth of a daughter is also conveyed very custom made, ‘Congratulations on arrival of Lakshmi, the Goddess of money, in the family.’ However, the experiences through which parents undergo are not only bitter but even fatal. Parents survive and tolerate this stinking mindset for living in the society.
We too had the privilege of raising two daughters in a hostile society, family and difficult economic circumstances. After raising them, they were married. We found some people extremely cordial while many others extremely hostile and heartless. However, this is not the appropriate time to tell you in detail.
********** The rented house where we were living in, was owned by a gentleman whose brother also resided in the adjacent house. The two brothers had turned into bitter foes because of the property dispute. Hence the neighbor was annoyed due to our tenancy. His younger son was short tempered and on several occasions thrashed Kuntal without any reason. Kuntal was a simple boy who would come home weeping and complained. Quite often I used to console him. It was undesirable to interfere in children’s affair. I found it better to keep numb as he was the owner’s nephew. Any dispute can lead us to vacate the house, always prompted us to keep low.
The two houses had a common entrance. I fixed my name plate least my friends should find any difficulty in locating the house. The brother of the owner threw my name plate away. I could not figure the reason for such an outrage. Later on, an acquaintance apprised me the reason behind such hostility. Someone had enquired him whether he lived in “Pendrawala’s house” as a tenant. He replied, “No, he is our tenant.”
“Why are you lying? “Pendrawala” can’t be your tenant. His name plate is on the entrance gate.”
Being annoyed he started devising plans to evacuate us and finally succeeded in his plan. One night he along with his elder brother, knocked the door at 11 p.m. to ask us to vacate the house. I was again in search for another rented house, which was soon found but Madhuri was adamant to shift to a rented house anymore. “We would shift in our own house,” she declared.
**********
It is difficult to comprehend the teenage period of children. Parents should understand that after certain age children are an adult and they should be treated as such. For parents, they are always their children, but in the meantime they forget that the child should be left alone to decide what is right or otherwise. If parents continue to interfere in the decision of their children they will interfere with the natural cycle of their children and it will hamper the natural growth of the child. If this is unchecked it will grow as a wall and there will be the difference in opinion among the two. Normally guardians resort to one-way communication whereas every communication needs the two-way channel. Whatever is being told should be listened, comprehended and given a feedback so that the speaker can assess what has the listener heard and grasped. Two generations can have cordiality and proper understanding only when there exists an uninterrupted link of communication.
Every age comes to its own conclusions and moulds accordingly to suit the time. Old fundas cease to work in every new situation. To take an example, all books preach ‘Always speak the truth’. Now imagine the plight of people who literally follow the dictum and try to speak truth whatever the situation. Once Kuntal asked, “Should we speak the truth in every circumstance?”
“No”, I replied.
“But we are always asked to do so”
“It needs modification, the word ‘Always’ should be deleted from the dictum.”
“Why?”
“This is the world in which people appreciate the truth but cannot tolerate it.”
“I didn’t follow you.”
“Your own experiences will teach you.”
Our children know much more than we do and are wiser too. As guardians, we always assess them on a lower side. My own experience counts that they are clever enough. On an occasion, when my daughter Sangeeta was a student of the class tenth. She asked me, “Our school has arranged a trip to Amarkantak, a nearby holy place. Shall I take your camera?” She asked me again when I overheard her request. I said, “If you have decided to go to Amarkantak on your own so it is for you to decide to take the camera or not”.
“No papa. I knew that you won’t object to my going to Amarkantak. For the camera, you might.”
You can very well guess the smartness in the conversation between father and daughter. Quite often what is said has deeper and inherent implications? One discovers them a little later. It is therefore, necessary to listen attentively and openly. This presupposes patience. Many fail to listen in silence as their eagerness to speak prompt them to speak first, listening becomes secondary. (Seriatim)
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