Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 41

The objective behind this narration was neither to enumerate my sufferings nor to entertain you by describing events and incidents in my life. It is the documentation of the change in social patterns so that coming generations might have a glimpse of it. They might understand the struggle in which men in the twentieth century had been engaged and wonder, ‘Did it ever happened like that?’

I lived an eventful life though it is not possible to narrate everything hence many ‘filters’ had to be applied. There were many interesting and entertaining incidents which could have made this narration more spicy and popular but I had to retain them within the limits of privacy and refrained from writing them. I have tried to say whatever decency permits to say.

You might have felt a kind of affinity while reading this. You might have found persons of your own acquaintance in the people I narrated. You might also have felt happy or sad quite often. In fact, this is not ‘my’ story but ‘our’ story. Normally a man discusses x, y or z but never divulges what happens within his own home. Chains of relationships restrain him from saying much. While describing incidents from family life one has to pause and ponder and has to avoid monolog. A few facts are hinted, some clues are dropped to make one grasp the idea lest some kind of bitterness might develop or relations get strained. Despite obvious risks involved, I decided to pen this story so that it might help someone in moulding his own story, to give it a facelift. I would consider my efforts fully rewarded if your own heart gets induced to pen your story. Please do write, it soothes the heart.

I played my role in life as best as I could. I wish to finish the remaining task with full vigour at my command till my lifeline permits me and I continue to receive your love. Regards.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 40

When I take a glimpse of my past, I arrived at the conclusion that i was like a boatman who spent his life crossing others to the opposite side of the river. When passengers reach their destinations they totally forget the boatman. He returns home alone.It is easy to navigate a boat with soars but difficult to bring one's own boat to the shore.

We grow under the canopy of a family hence we have an obligation towards family to do something for them. Every heart treasures such desire to demonstrate its gratitude. This feeling, at least, persists in the Indian sub-continent. This feeling boosts family’s stamina.  Joint family is based as much on ‘give’ as on ‘take’. This is an excellent example of synergy in which each one nourishes another. By such nurture, families shine and prosper.

With the passage of time one generation is replaced by the following one with roles of members continue to change, members join and leave. In every situation, our ‘role’ is assessed on our efficiency to act. Family-relationship thrives on emotions which become nutrients for relations.

Earnings become necessary to meet the necessities of life, food, clothing and shelter. While money provides food to the stomach, it excites mind for mischief. Feelings are sacrificed under the impact of money and independent establishments come into existence. Quite often, instead of providing food for the family, ambitions soar so high that the prime necessity gets neglected. This becomes dynamite for the joint family system. It is a vicious circle having no escape. One who is trapped is governed by emotions and sense of responsibility. In this situation one must act with caution and smartness. If the person who shoulders all kinds of responsibilities expects something in return, his expectations are likely to be belied because the  world is smart and  shrewd. My conclusion is, ‘Help yourself first. Help others only when you become strong enough.’

It is necessary to set clear-cut goals for a successful life. Before accomplishing ambitious goals one has to accomplish smaller ones. After assessing existing circumstances one should make strategic changes, where even failure can be converted into stepping stone for success. One cannot stop nor stagnate the search for the ‘right wall’ is inherent in these initial failures. A boat sails towards the East the other towards the West. It is not the wind that decides the direction. The direction is controlled using the oars by the sailor.

In our families whatever is being taught in the name of tradition has become outdated not incompatible with the fast changing world. What a child learns during infancy gets firmly rooted in the mind and hence the pace of the new world does not find him up to the mark. The child finds himself retarded. Established notions are getting devastated, so are the concepts and faiths. The old generation had a God, the creator and regulator of activities but the new generation has distanced itself from such fetters. He does not like intruding God because he relies that is intelligent and able enough. This is a significant sign.

Relations are now losing their significance and the warmth gradually because experiences goes on teaching something to us.  It has made invisible intrusion in human behaviour. Social values are changing fast. Whatever happens around us gets an instantaneous reaction. The impact of fast changes is reflected in human behavior, women are acting as males whereas males are behaving in an equally opposite manner. While children are trying to behave as adults, older people have been behaving in a childish manner.

While most of the people spent their life time in earning livelihood, there are some people who are trying to search life in the existence. This is like swimming in a pool as against swimming in the sea. People who are in search of meaning in their life astonish me with their distinguished ability to take unusual decisions whereas people who are in the quest of earning only livelihood agitate me because their stomach is never fulfiled.

The problem with this world is that people do not allow a person to live according to his wishes. Hence as a reaction, he too begins reacting so as to seek vengeance and creates hurdles in the lives of several others. This game has been going on since time immemorial. Pleasure-pain, success-failure, meeting-separation are temporal but whenever they occur in a man’s life they create a kind of mental imbalance. The one who retains his equilibrium and remains unaffected in every circumstance is the person who has triumphed in life.

Life has its own spectrum of colours. It mixes several colors in such a way that it becomes colorless, like the transparent water. That is why it is called, ' Duniya Rang Birangi, world without color.

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 39

The time when I was undergoing my education there wasn’t much awareness for education which one finds today. The same situation prevails in the villages today. Only the first benches, eight to ten in a classroom, attended the classes with sincerity, others, though in the classroom, physically present, had their minds somewhere else. They had their own reasons for attending classes. For me, honestly speaking, the study was a boring activity, inducing sleep. I would manage to find ‘Important’ questions one week prior to the exam. After cramming, day and night would manage to pass the exams. What seemed meaningless then appears to be meaningful today. I wish to attend classes again to learn whatever I had skipped in my student life.

In order to find the right direction, one needs good friends which are rare to find. There are too many to lead us astray but few to follow and show the right path. Leniency towards evil friends proves fatal.  It is better to repel them with strong determination. One of my friends used to smoke during college days. Once we were roaming the streets of the city on our cycles, he stopped at a shop from where he bought two cigarettes, gave me one. When I refused, he became annoyed saying that I was not an eligible person for his friendship. So I broke away.

If one wants to excel in studies he must keep the company of the first benchers. Similarly, in order to be a successful businessman or an industrialist he has to keep the company of leading traders and industrialists. Friendship with professionals would mould one into a profession while a man can gain literary nuances in the company of literary people. Company of seers and saints can transform one into a sage. A man is known by the company he keeps.

Jo mil gaya usi ko mukaddar samajh liya, whatever was received considered as my fate, I became content with what I happened to find, expresses an attitude of being satisfied with one's lot. This could be a good maxim for those who want to live single. But if one wants to have a family and lead a domestic life, he cannot remain content with what he finds, extra efforts become necessary. One must discuss one’s interests, likes and dislikes amidst family members, teachers, and friends. One should do elaborate homework, examine all aspects and possible options. While giving priority to interests, economic factors should also be taken cognizance of॰ A person should avoid taking any decision under the pressure of others. It should be based on a pre-planned strategy. It is not just a matter of earning a livelihood, what creates interest, should be undertaken. Success needs total submission, concentration towards objectives, hard work, and patience. There is no short cut to success. It exacts its toil and toll which one has to pay.

Eminent painter Vincent Van Gogh in his autobiography ‘Lust for life’ writes : ‘In order to accomplish a task one has to die first, within. The man is not born to be happy he is here to produce great things for mankind. He is here to secure generosity and go beyond the absurdity that makes existence much miserable.’

Trying to find  means of livelihood and lead to a meaningful life, are two separate matters. However, in th modern world even to manage self, has become quite challenging. Many people depart this world earning only their livelihood, as the purpose of life. At the root of this problem is our family system. From his infancy, the child is reared in such a way that he gets a kind of psychological affiliation with family. Any decision about himself is initiated only when he takes the cognizance of approval or disapproval of his family. In a very shrewd manner, his capacity to decide independently is deprived of. In the entire Indian sub-continent, an individual's decision i.e. marriage is at the mercy of group decision, consent of the family!  It is the family that decides his profession. A farmer will sink his children with farming and allied occupation so will a merchant or an employee or a politician trying to induce the child to choose the profession of the family. Any attempt to deviate from the set pattern is sabotaged. Generally, the parent's motive is to secure their old age in the guise of deciding the child's future. The parents use the tact of emotional blackmailing to secure their children's approval.

The majority of youth is unable to decide their future. If the parents are affluent the children enjoy the gains of their riches. In the cyclone of affluence they become rudderless, boys lazy, girls careless. They find their present comfortable and future safe and secure. That keeps them carefree. Think for a while, why do the children of several affluent businessmen, officers or politicians remain good for nothing, utter incompetent while they were born under great affluence? In contrast children from underprivileged or deprived families are able to conquer insurmountable odds and reach the summit. There are several instances in which an orphan is able to realise his responsibility and accomplish success despite the hard struggle. Similarly, girls losing their mothers early proved efficient house managers. This is a strange world, the parents in some cases are facilitators while in many cases hurdles.

The craze for minting money will make the person money oriented who cannot see anything else. Like the madness in love he devotes himself to the pursuit, earn as much as he can.Those who become billionaires didn’t get money through a lottery. They tried in the right direction and used their foresight worked like a maniac became extremely selfish and remained spendthrift. Such ‘funda’ is equally true in other walks of life. You reap gain as much as you sweat.

Stephen R. Covey in “Seven Habits of Effective People” wrote, ‘Success can not be attained by fixing your ladders on the wrong wall, you merely get climb and climb down. Success is achieved when you fix your ladder on the right wall.’ The million dollar question still remains, how to find the right wall?

There are many attractions in the life. To dream of something or to achieve something is always imaginary. We all dream some visionary advice you to dream. Dreams are nothing but fiction, shattered when eyes are open. The livelihood of people is governed often by coincidence. People seldom achieve what one aspires for, rest accept whatever comes to them. But there are some gallant and visionaries who turn their difficulties into a stepping stone and work hard to fulfill their aspirations. Taking one step at a time towards the goal brings success, provided you adore enough patience to work for it.

In order to reap a harvest one has to irrigate the plant regularly along with the manure it needs. Such constant care can lead to blooms. One should give the highest priority to one’s interests or cultivate interest in the assignment one gets. A pragmatic approach free from emotional and family pressures in choosing career earns rich dividends. It is necessary to have an appraisal of competence and self-assessment along with an understanding of qualities and limitations one is endowed with. Efforts made with full awareness can deliver rewards.

Plant a tree of Neem, Azadirachta indica, sapling outside your home. Irrigate it regularly to develop into a small tree and there will emerge dozens ready to denude it. Some want a twig for brushing the teeth some want a few leaves for medicine. If that underdeveloped plant is not properly protected it would never spread its branches up in the sky and meet an untimely end. Measures are to be taken to ensure the growth of a plant.  Same is true about economic development. A small capital has limited power, it takes a lot of time. Hence in order to maintain it, one has to be a miser while spending. Money saved by such efforts boosts the initial capital.

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 38

Whatever happened since birth was bound to occur, destined several events are determined even prior to birth e.g. mother’s womb, father, siblings and the place of birth. Can we change any of these?

People always behave as per their thought process, upbringing and social setup. That is different from how we perceive them to behave. To be exact, our helpers and obstacles are people around us. It is our efficiency whether we secure help from them or succumb to their obstacles. Our nature plays a crucial role. If by nature we have a tendency to manipulate matters to suit our purpose we are able to manage their support. We would resort to all kinds of efforts, like begging, bowing, kissing the feet, sycophancy or even threatening. But if by nature, one is timid and docile, he wouldn’t beg for the favor, he would rather feel ashamed. One may not ask for help, thinking the other person would realize for himself that the needy is in trouble. A hesitant person is cautious about his sense of honor and dishonor and does not reveal his genuine worries. Being self-centered he bears his cross alone.

Lack of communication in the family spoils the order in the system. In our days it used to be just one way. There are three 'speakers' in the family- one who exercises control over the affairs as per his status or who is having control over the keys of the locker or aggressive one. Other members either succumb to their wishes or else they were mere spectators. Such dictatorial policy did not allow any kind of discussion. It was ordering and listening and complying. It is not possible to arrive at any solution for problems when there is no open environment for mutual discussion and expression.

Families which allow the democratic atmosphere to prevail interact with one another, make each one prosper. The prosperity of every other becomes a joint responsibility of the whole family. A better understanding can be observed in modern times where people have the freedom to speak, where everyone is sensitive towards other's pain and pleasure. This is of paramount importance for flourishing.

                                                      **********

In the early childhood, one has to tread the path laid down by parents and teachers. They direct the boat and navigate its course of direction. It is necessary to develop an ability to understand and assess and sharpen intelligence at the time of adolescence. This period poses its own challenges. One is required to be a scholar though he has no interest in studies. One is expected to be a champion in the spots though he has to catch his breath while running. One wants to be an efficient homemaker but it is too much of botherations. An average adolescent becomes adept in inventing excuses and shirks hard work which ultimately turn him into a lazy person. This habit of avoiding work continues all over the life. Ironically, one feels hurt if asked to do something. This retards the process of human development. The world can not afford too many idlers.

Youngsters develop bonding with their friends. During the teenage, Hormonal changes draw them to persons of the opposite sex. They start living in dreamy fiction which are far away from reality. Then creative energy revolves around gratification of sex desires. They lose the sense of direction unable to find an objective or the right path. In many cases, they stay in alleys and by-lanes. Quite a good number became yoked to pull the cart of domestic life.

One who works hard at his young age, enjoys his life later, whereas, if he cherishes rest in young age, he suffers in his life later. Lazy people have their own logic. They are offended when other make them realize their laziness. Such people go on dreaming grand projects and become an expert in inventing excuses. They plant the seeds of Babool, Acacia, expecting to reap the mangoes when it grows.

Every individual is a unique creation of nature. He is provided with immense mental and physical capacity. The human body is dictated by his mind. An individual who has control over mind, naturally control his body also. The mind is like a monkey which keeps sweeping from one branch to other. Great people has a stable mindset. The mind can be trained with practices like meditation. There is no alternative to hard work.

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 37

Cancer is Cancer. It is called Rajrog, the emperor of diseases. It knows how to embrace Raja (emperor) or Rank (pamper) into its octopus tentacles. I suffered a relapse in 2008 in the same cheek which had undergone surgery in 2002. Though I used to report for periodic check up and the doctor assured me, ‘You are now safe.’ But, the malady returned. My surgeon Dr.Deepak Agrawal said, “Dwarika Prasadji, this time, your surgery will be intensive. Your molars will have to be extracted and mandible will be removed. Because of removal of bone, your face may look a bit odd. You will have to undergo Radiotherapy as well.”

I have observed that one who undergoes cancer surgery again, hardly survives. I was convinced that my days were numbered. What I would suffer would be only prolonging the misery so I conveyed my decision to my family members, ‘I’ll not undergo surgery or Radiotherapy. Let me live as I am, as long as I can, without any treatment. Everyone at home remained highly worried except me. But Sangeeta and Kedar wouldn’t listen to my plea and fixed my surgery at Indore. I had to bow to their wishes.

By that time my two daughters had been married, loans had been repaid and Madhuri had learnt the workings of the Lodge. I had no problem in bidding adieu. So far as pain is concerned, it was a just retribution of the joy I had experienced while consuming tobacco. I was destined to suffer. By that time, I had started writing the autobiography. The only risk was, if I die, my autobiography would be burnt incomplete along me, like many others.

By June 2008 my oral cancer had begun spreading to other areas. I used to have constant pain in my molars, temple and ear. Two months of homeopathy did not show any effect. I was invited to speak on 2nd August 2008 in the Cabinet meeting of Bhopal Lions Club on the subject ‘Organisation Management’. The pain was severe which wouldn’t permit me to speak but I did not want to disappoint the organizers by denying. Despite the pain, I went to Bhopal and spoke for two hours. The pain became acute. From Bhopal, I reached Jabalpur to consult my nephew (sister’s son) Dr.Vikesh Agrawal who referred me to oncologist Dr.Arpan Mishra, who warned me about the fast spreading of disease and advised immediate surgery. I was in a fix unable to decide what to do. Any lapse in deciding could be fatal. I did not want to fight cancer but watch it as an objective observer but Sangeeta and Kedar wouldn’t permit me such liberty. Hence surgery was fixed for 21st August 2008 at Indore. I hadn’t forgotten the pain of the first surgery. This time, it was to be more intensive and longer than the earlier one. I used to shiver imagining the pain awaiting me. I had only options, either to bear the temporary pain or embrace death with indefinitely long suffering. I opted for surgery.

I received Sangeeta’s phone on 18th August who asked me to proceed to Mumbai for having a second opinion. On 19th we left for Mumbai by the morning flight and reported at Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital in Dr.Mandar Deshpande’s chamber. The hospital was established recently while the doctors were trusted and experienced though young. Dr.Deshpande had long experience of oral surgery at Mumbai’s Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital. Dr.Deshpande examined me, saw reports and said, “Uncle, you will have to undergo surgery, supra major surgery. Affected bone will have to be removed by operating the cheek followed by plastic surgery of replacing it by a piece of flesh from your thigh to give your face the proper shape. It won’t be as good as the original one, slightly depressed or elevated.”
“O.K.,” said I.
“After surgery, you will have to stay in the hospital for twelve to fourteen days and after discharge, you will have to stay in Mumbai for another two months for Radiotherapy.”
“Doctor, I am ready for surgery but unwilling for radiation.”
“I think Radiotherapy will be necessary after the surgery.”
“Then I would have neither surgery nor radiotherapy, thank you.  Allow me to leave.”
“But, had you been my papa, I would have taken this chance, certainly.”
“You’ve said something very serious.”
“I advise you on the basis of my long experience, prepare yourself for both, surgery as well as radiotherapy.”
“O.K., then, go ahead. When do you intend to operate?”
“Let’s have your Biopsy today, we’ll get the report in eight days, three days after that.”
“Doctor, why is biopsy needed?”
“To confirm the cancer.”
“You examined my cheek just now, do you think any confirmation is still needed?”
“You have cancer, it’s confirmed an I can see it.  But for patients' satisfaction and our confirmation, we ask for the biopsy.”
“Why should we waste eight days? Operate me tomorrow”, I said.
 Dr.Deshpande said, “Get admitted today, some tests will be conducted tomorrow and if the OT is available, surgery day after. Get admitted so that we might begin the procedure.”
“O.K.,” said I.

In an old Hindi film Chalti Ka Naam Gadi, there was an interesting song sung by Kishore Kumar, Jana tha Japan, Pahunch Gae cheen, samajh gae na? (wanted to go to Japan but reached China) . I was to reach Indore whereas I reached Mumbai for surgery. When we reached the center in the night we were told that the twin share package for supra-major-surgery was Rs.2.75 lakhs. We were supposed to deposit Rs.1.80 lakh at that time to secure admission but we got Rs.60,000 only withdrawn from the ATM at the hospital. How to get Rs.1.20 lakh more at that hour? At that time Rajnikant Gadhiya, brother-in-law of my friend Ramesh Jobanputra was with me. He was a resident of Mumbai. He said, “Wait for half an hour, I’ll fetch it.”

By eleven in the night I was on the hospital bed and immediately the procedure began. In the morning of 20th August Madhuri and Kedar also reached Mumbai. Tests, such as scan, x-ray, pathology etc. were conducted during the day. In the evening Dr.Deshpande informed, “I’ve received all reports on my computer. Everything is normal. Be ready by seven in the morning. All the best!”

On my way to O.T. on 21st August, Madhuri, Sangeeta and Kedarnath wished me well, I smiled back. I was taken to a pre-surgery room where several other patients were waiting for their turn. I kept lying there for quite some time, emotionless. I would get up and see other patients and then again lie down. After an hour Anesthetist Dr.Aparna Date arrived asking, “Uncle, shall we proceed?”
“I have been waiting for long, come on,” I replied. A little while after I was lying below the floodlights of an excellent Operation theater. Dr.Date administered an injection in my vein. I don’t know what happened afterward. Oncologist Dr.Mandar Deshpande and plastic surgeon Dr.Charudutta Chaudhari operated on me. My daughter Sangeeta also got the permission to watch her Papa’s surgery.

                                               **********
“Hoon...see, It’s me.” I heard the voice. I opened eyes and saw Madhuri standing. Her eyes expressed her happiness lips smiled while face fully assured. I touched her cheek with my left hand which she clasped within her palms. My eyes welled up, throat choked and then a silent communication followed. How can I describe what we said to each other? My mouth was stuffed with cotton wool.    
“Your operation lasted for ten hours but it was yesterday." she said.
"How do you feel now?” Madhuri  asked. With my finger and thumb, I made a ‘V’ sign implying ‘fine’. I would cherish these four minutes conversation all my life. It was a sort of reunion. After leaving Madhuri, Sangeeta entered the I.C.U. and asked, “How are you, Papa?” I winked my eyes to assure her and touched her cheek. My single touch conveyed her several feelings, gratitude for her valiant efforts, commending for the success they aspired and several untold emotions.

“Papa, I attended your surgery for three hours, it was an excellent operation. Dr.Deshpande and Dr.Chaudhari did a wonderful job,” informed Sangeeta. She was followed by my son-in-law Dr.Kedarnath, who was smiling which was quite assuring.

We, the four, fought together with a disease which refuses to relent. Till now all was well. But the demon of radiotherapy was posing a challenge which awaited another encounter.

I was kept in I.C.U. after the operation. I gained consciousness by evening. I was lying flat on the bed with tubes inserted in the nose and urine track. One hand had a glucose-saline-system while the other measured my B.P. which would function, automatically, every half an hour. Probes from the heart beats measuring machine were fixed on my chest. My head had to be kept stationary because of neck and cheek surgery. No part of my body could move, a lying statue like situation. I had repeated phases of sleep which would disrupt for a while and relapse. The operated portion, though not comfortable, was painless. My sleep got disturbed because the doctor and the nurse were talking loudly, not mere talk it was an exchange of smiles, glees and gestures. I wanted to enjoy sleep but their voices kept me awake. I had to remain helpless, motionless watching their mischief. I didn’t know that there was a call bell attached in the bed, I would have pressed it to prohibit them. My mouth already stuffed with cotton, could not produce any sound. Nurses passed by my bed without noticing me. I spent hours in that state of restlessness. Around 2 AM, a nurse gave me a dose of morphine which was also ineffective against the chatting of the staff. Their converse lasted till morning which challenged my sleep. Rays of sunshine were welcome and I wished myself, so I may sleep for a change of their shift.

Plastic surgeon Dr.Charudutta visited me in the afternoon, examined me and informed that the piece of flesh extracted from the thigh and grafted in the mouth had become active. In the evening came Dr.Mandar Deshpandey. He removed the cotton from my mouth and asked, “How are you, uncle?”
I gave a reply through gestures but he asked me to say something. In an inaudible voice, I tried to say. He encouraged me to speak more. He was satisfied with my progress and said, “Your operation was quite good and recovery is fine. We’ll keep you in the I.C.U. tonight and shift you to the room tomorrow morning.” I narrated him the plight during the night and urged, “I can’t stay in this torture chamber another night. Please, shift me in the room tonight so that I might have a sound sleep”. The kind doctor obliged and I was shifted to the room by nine.

With the exception of an incident at the I.C.U. the twelve-day long sojourn at the hospital remains memorable. Vigilant care by the doctors, their cordiality, untiring efforts of nurses and other staff, excellent cleanliness, delicious food, and drinks deserve commendations. Everything at dot time, without reminding anyone, gave me a demonstration of systematic organizational management.

After my discharge from the I.C.U., Madhuri and Kedarnath returned to home leaving Sangeeta behind to attend me. During my treatment, she served me with vigor and sincerity making me believe that she was not my daughter but a son too.

Reports of samples extracted from cheek were received by 29th August 2008. Since the disease was localized at one point only the doctors exempted me from the necessity of Radiotherapy and thus I was given the hint of discharge from hospital by 1st September. Preparation began for discharge, by the evening of 30th August. We had been told of the package amounting to Rs.2,75,000/- at the time of admission and we had deposited the full amount meanwhile. When Sangeeta reached the cash counter to collect bills and pay dues, if any, she was surprised to find a bill of Rs.2,44,000 only. When Sangeeta asked them to ensure if they hadn’t forgotten to include any charge, she was told that this was the amount that the hospital had actually incurred. She returned with a refund of Rs.31,000/-.

This honesty on the part of Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital surprised me. Their fairness in the face of widespread loot prevailing in the medical system seemed unbelievable. I know the mischief of a renowned hospital in my city Bilaspur, though it is a hospital of national repute. Patients are thrown into a vicious circle. Even the dead ones are shown alive by keeping them on ventilators so as to extract as much as possible from the kins of the dead person. Patients have to undergo unnecessary expensive tests just to enhance hospital income. Miserable patients are exploited by charging exorbitant expenses on tests, medicines and consultants.

Why should Sangeeta be surprised? What makes me wonder? Shouldn't honesty have been our instinct? It is this fairness in dealing that earns reputation. Then why honesty is rare? Medical profesion is not a business but a mission for service and care. The fabric of this mission is woven by human feelings. Rupture of these threads bodes ill for the destiny of mankind.

After my safe return from Mumbai, I had another bout with cancer two years later. This time, it was on the left cheek. Once again a replay of the same episode, same characters. The same hospital, the doctor, nursing, the care and the same team of attendants, my better half Madhuri, my daughter Sangeeta and my son-in-law Kedarnath.

In the year 1971, I watched a Hindi movie, Anand. A lively combat between life and death. Director of the film Hrishikesh Mukherji had made it so wonderful a film that it turned into a poem in celluloid which made everyone weep. This film on cancer has become memorable. I hadn’t even dreamed that it will become my story.  Within eight years I had three onslaughts of cancer. How I faced the ordeal is known to myself and my family.

Hero of the film Rajesh Khanna, stood by my side during my crisis, helping me, encouraging me. His smiling face despite unbearable acute pain helped me a lot in my combat against cancer. Thanks, Hrishikesh Mukherji, lot of thanks to Rajesh Khanna. Yes, everyone has to quit the world but how to survive the struggle is something that you taught me.

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 36

The Yoga training program was being conducted in a village, Pundi, at the feet of Valiangiri Mountains, 37 Kilometers from Coimbatore. The venue was Spand Auditorium of Isha Foundation. There were about three hundred persons attending both males as well as females. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev was the director. I was upset with my lower-back-pain. I have a nodding acquaintance with English and I could follow the instructions (in English) but alas! my lower-back refused to concede.

Yet, I continued the Yoga training as best as I could manage. Only Yogasans posed a problem there was none in Pranayam and Dhyan.  The surrounding was getting richer day by day. When a large group gets involved in an activity they become mutually complementary one radiating to every other. We had a systematic practice of Hatha yoga, Shaktichalan and Shoonya Dhyan. We realized the age factor reduces the flexibility of muscles. Yogasan becomes difficult because the body fails to comply with instructions. It was insured there that our diet should keep us light and enable us to carry out Yoga practices.

In addition to Yoga exercises, Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev used to address spiritual discourses. It proved to be a unique opportunity to me. After the discourse, the curious ones used to raise queries which he used to answer in a lighter vein arriving at conclusions with easy examples. His discourse used to cover spirituality, the universe, science, religion and human behavior in a structure, layer upon layer. I could grasp new lifestyle and modes of behavior. His vast knowledge, subtle use of English language and his voice left an indelible impression on me. For me, it was a crowning experience.

On the fifth day, we were to climb the Valiangiri Hill top. There were three options, climbing to the mountain and those who didn't want to climb can circle the Ashram and the last option was to rest in one's room. The third one made me extremely happy. I was the only person in the whole group to have opted for the third option.

The morning began with usual exercises at six. Three hours later, at nine, everyone began preparing for the summit climbing. The happiness on their faces made me jealous. All would be going except me. Then my heart prompted, ‘Why not try, come what may.’ I said to Madhuri, "I'll also come along."
"How will you climb with lower back pain?" Madhuri asked.
"There is, no doubt, pain. While all of you will enjoy yourself I would remain confined to bed."
"What if your pain aggravates?"
"It is not my problem.  It is for the Sadhguru to deal with."
"O.K., then, come along", She said.

I put on special shoes meant for climbing and joined others. There is neither a road nor a foot track. There were bushes and plants on all the sides, some small mounds, and sharp climb. All were climbing one after another, in a file. A young volunteer kept my constant company to keep me whenever I had trouble. After a little while, it began raining which made the surface slippery and our clothes drenched. Overlooking my pain I kept climbing. After the hectic climb of three hours and a half, I managed to reach the summit while Madhuri and several others reached later, 15-20 minutes after me. That day I struggled and fought my pain and learnt that nothing was impossible. I also realized that none can beat strong determination. After reaching the top I danced for a while because those were the moments of pleasure, weren't they?

There was an arrangement for meals at the top which was followed by Sadhguru's discourse. After halting for three hours and began a downward journey through the same route, slippery ground and support of a volunteer. It looks us two hours and a half. When we entered Spanda Auditorium I was completely exhausted, I wanted to spread my legs and stretch. But the instructor was differing with my belief and made us do our Asanas, again, "carry on....".

I was novice in Yogic exercises which I seldom practiced. The training camp at Isha Foundation had experts in Yoga.  Under their supervision, I learnt several Asanas, Pranayam and methods of Dhyan. I became familiar with techniques for body and mind control. The exercises conducted in a systematic manner though it began with initial complaints but very soon became easy to carry on and got well stored in the memory. As a result, my body has become so habitual that I can not resist them and I continued them for the past eight years. Even during the railway journey, I manage to do them and people fully co-operate in providing enough space. If  because of some reason I fail to take exercises my body remains restless throughout the day. Sorry, I forgot to tell you an important reward, my ten-year-old lower-back-pain is now a part of history and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I am talking about July 2007. My association with Yoga kicked medicines away.

Autobiography‬ : Journey by Chance : 35

Do the events in life oblige to individual's plan? A slight deviation does not make one shudder but how should one feel when it totally reverses the direction? One begins suspecting our intelligence and wisdom or one can place the balance on destiny. The small world we live in determines the people we would meet and interact. Relationships are established and developed only within such group with a positive attitude. But these are mere presumptions. We may pat our back or praise our intelligence if events match our presumptions but we blame others if our presumptions prove false.

Sangya's happiness did not last long. It made us feel that punishments of our sins in previous births got crowded in this life. So much of suffering, humiliation, awe, helplessness, neglect, stupidity, volleys of abuses, I hadn't encountered them in my entire life. I experienced all that, we normally see in old Hindi films. I used to feel burdened how could this be in a world of highly educated people! I fail to find words to express what we suffered, a hell of the experience.

The court remains overcrowded with criminals and killers and amidst them, my daughter was waiting for her call with her eight-year young daughter for sin of loving a person. She still loves him and wants to live with him but her lover has been ‘converted’ into a husband who does not want to live with her. My granddaughter Ananya, has grown up and is able to suspect that there is some trouble though she is not able to decipher what kind of Kutti (quarrel) prevails between her father and mother which never gets resolved into Mitthi (patch up). Children never prolong their quarrels so indefinitely.

As for as, I am concerned I have been watching the ebbs and tides of life unaffected by surroundings around me.  I do want to argue with many but not in the court on earth but in the court in heaven.

We are glad that our daughter resides with us and we are able to see her alive along with sparkling Ananya, always in a sportive mood.  My old shoulders are strong enough to bear the two astride without feeling a burden of any kind.  Along with this gladness a parallel pain, though invisible, persists.  This can be gauged by only those parents whose daughters have either been eliminated by the in-laws or returned to their parents' homes.  You too can feel the suffering by imagining my daughter to be your own.  You won't need words to communicate the agony.